A Message to Someone Who Cheated

A Message to Someone Who Cheated

You might be wondering why I didn’t use “cheater” as my title. I know it’s pretty damn long compared to using that one word but I think using this phrase is more appropriate for advice and away from bashing.  It is also not because I am trying to sugar-coat it nor am I trying to deny doing a disgraceful act. It’s because in my opinion, everyone should still consider respect. I also know for a fact that these people know what they did and I don’t need to keep shoving it in their face.

You know you did something wrong. You know you could’ve stopped it from happening. Cheating is ALWAYS a choice. Once you do it, everything changes and it could turn your world upside-down. Now you’re here. Regretting all that has happened. But you have to smack yourself back to reality that you can never undo anything that has been done. You could say “Sorry” a million times. But it can’t actually do anything. Let’s take a step forward and think of something you CAN do from now on.

First, ask yourself if you can handle the outcome of the situation you just made. You hurt someone and lost their trust. It takes more than proving and begging to get it back. Obviously you’d get trust issues and most of the time it’s like they are implying that you might cheat or is cheating again even without doing anything. You might lose privacy on certain things. I am being realistic here. It’s not like most of the partners who got cheated on are going to be fine with it and think that you are a good person all of a sudden, right? If you know patience, then you are going to need it, A LOT! In addition, if they get back at you or you feel like you are getting cheated on, you can’t really do anything when they say “You’re the one who cheated.” or “You started it.” You are paying on that act your entire life with that person.

Then, you have to ask your partner too. You are not the only one who is going to have a hard time afterwards. Their nights would be filled with nightmares and their days could be clouded with doubts about you and your relationship. They need to be brave also and let you try. You both have to be firm if you both would want to fix things up. This is about them letting you prove yourself.

Last, is going to take up a lot of time, more than likely, not months but YEARS of proving that you are a better person.  It’s not about stopping from going out with friends or just doing a work-home life. You have to take over those bad memories with good ones. Have the best time with that person. Spend time with one another not with hours but by quality. As much as you both can, try and not expect much from each other and just be happy. When you expect less, you hurt less and you get to feel surprises more than when you do. Everything’s easier if you look at things that way.

I don’t always believe in philosophies and sayings, but I know something that I have proven with my life. “What you give to others, you will surely get it back.” Whether it’s a good one or a bad one, karma never fails. So let's say you did chose to cheat, you regretted it and now you're in doubt if the other is faithful or not. What you should think is something like this:

"Since I did something inconsiderate, I more than likely will get it shoved in my face too. I don’t care anymore if they do. If I get heartbroken again then it’s my fault. But for now, I am doing my best to get back the trust I broke and I am giving my all to be happy. All that matters is the “now” that I still have and the “future” that I am working hard for."

For those who cheated, I hope you work hard and be happy again. I believe in you that you will not hurt anyone ever again no matter what troubles come at you. Do not forget that hurting someone will cause you to hurt yourself too. Remember to always do more and expect less. At the very least, work hard to be a better person.

For those who got cheated, ask for time and space to let yourself decide if you can still stay and handle the problem together. You got hurt badly and I know it’s not easy to deal with. I know the nightmares and the doubts. But if you still want to work things out, you can’t always be taking up things on them the whole time. You can hurt them back and hurt yourself too if you make the wrong decisions from this point. You will most probably be paranoid or angry because of what happened. Try and see if you can handle that first. I hope everything goes well with you.

For those who have yet to cheat, I hope it stays that way.